For the Love of Pete
 Dear Reader,
So many books to read, so little time! Do you find that you have trouble deciding which book to pick up next? Should you read that cat mystery your mother keeps shoving at you or the new zombie book your sister loved so much? And then there are those ubiquitous lists of “classic” books that you must read before you die. What is a reader to do? Well, never fear I’ve just made your reading decisions a little easier with the following comparison of my new book, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, and one of those books you really should’ve read in freshman lit:
A Handy Dandy Guide Comparing My New Book, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, with William Faulkner’s AS I LAY DYING.
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AS I LAY DYING vs. |
FOR THE LOVE OF PETE |
First line: |
Jewel and I come up from the field, between following the path in single file. |
Things finally came to a head between Zoey Addler and Lips of Sin the afternoon he tried to steal her parking space. |
Heroine: |
Addie Bundren, who is dying. |
Zoey Addler, who is alive and on a mission to rescue her kidnapped baby niece. |
Hero: |
Several choices here, but I’m going with Anse Bundren who needs false teeth.
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Dante Torelli, hot if uptight FBI agent. His teeth are all intact. |
The Plot: |
Well, Addie dies and her family has to bury her. They’re not very good at it. |
Dante Torelli is an undercover FBI agent assigned to protect a mob informant and his family. But the
informant's hiding place is blown and a baby girl is
snatched by a ruthless hitman. Now, Dante must save
the toddler, uncover the traitor in his department,
evade various bad guys, and deal with Zoey, the
toddler's sexy aunt, all before the biggest mob trial in
Chicago history, set to begin in just three days. |
Love Scene: |
I’m not sure there is one, but Addie did once have an affair with the preacher who’s going to bury her. |
Woohoo! (see page XXX) |
Ends: |
SPOILER ALERT! One of Addie’s sons gets
sent to an insane asylum, but at least her
rotting body is saved from a flooding river
by another son. Yay! |
Happily (and with more hot sex!) |
There! Didn’t that make your decision a little easier?
xxoo
Julia Harper
HOT's Cast of
Characters
 Some
writers make do with as little as one or two characters. Some writers need at
least eight archetypal characters for each book (Hero, Villain, Sidekick, etc.)
And then there’s me . . .
Our Heroine
Turner Hastings: she’s determined to correct a terrible
wrong—even if it means a life on the run.
Our Hero
FBI Special Agent John MacKinnon: he always gets his man . .
. or woman.
Law Enforcement Personnel
• Sheriff’s Deputy Doug Larsen: something’s
gotta be wrong with the back of his head.
• Sheriff Dick Clemmons: wishes he could use the loudspeaker
on his squad car more often.
• FBI Special Agent Ted York: keeled over into his salad
at lunch from a heart attack. R.I.P.
• ASAC, Tim Holt: still has a California surfer dude drawl
even though he hasn’t been back to San Diego in eighteen years.
• FBI Special Agent Dante Torelli: the only man to use
a Little Debbie snack cake as an interrogation technique.
Assorted Villains
• SpongeBob and Yoda: inept bank robbers with really bad
senses of direction.
• Calvin Hyman: upright citizen by day, bank embezzler
by night.
• Hank: one of the few (possibly the only) hitmen for hire
in northern Wisconsin.
Dog
• Squeaky: a harlequin Great Dane with an unfortunate name
and a taste for pickled herring.
 Upstanding
Citizens of Winosha, Wisconsin
• Nasty old Mr. Johnson: who likes his change clean
• Marge: she’s at the age when she no longer has
to put up with guff from men or boys.
• Ashley: just back from the end of summer sale at the
Wal-Mart up in Superior.
• Ernestine: gets her world news from Focus on the Family.
• Tommy Zucker: doesn’t talk to g-men.
• Rusty Turner: lover of raw turnips, expert fisherman.
• Louise: will trade a chicken salad on white sandwich
for gossip.
• Shannon Hyman: has two obsessions—pigs and Jack
Bauer—and who can blame her?
• Todd Frazer: can get you a good deal on a vacation cottage
by the lake—even on a Sunday.
• Ralston Fish: worst nine-year-old delinquent you’ve
ever seen.
• Luther Hindenburg: proponent of the death penalty.
• Harvey Johnson: has been known to drive his snowmobile
under the influence.
Wildlife
• A badger (or possibly a really old skunk).
• Ticks: by the dozen.
• Mosquitoes: at least a million.
• A blue-tailed skink (unbilled cameo appearance).
 Bystanders,
Innocent and Otherwise
• Brad Hastings: forgot to send his sister a birthday card
but she’ll probably forgive him.
• Mullet: possibly the slowest gas station cashier in the
state.
• Victoria Weidner: ace assistant federal prosecutor.
• Rachel MacKinnon Fields: has been pissed at her father
for three years, and as she’s sixteen she’ll probably be pissed for
at least another three.
• Stan: a campaign manager with all the humanity of a Nazi
death camp guard.
• Dennis Fields: all right for an asshole.
• Amy Fields: has a secret she rather her daughter didn’t
learn.
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